Letter to my 24 year old Self.

Hey, it’s October 15th, 2012. You have been 24 for a little over 3 months. You are young, dumb and honestly, your life is really just beginning. So please don’t Panic.

I know you just moved into your other childhood home. The house surrounded by family. The house that gently shakes as the train goes by. You use to sleep like a baby there. This is the house where your dad got the real Christmas tree the year you got that giant Pooh Bear. It’s a house of happy thought times. You are gonna have to completely clean it and you will make it a home again. Sadly it will only be for a couple years. Honestly, this house is too old and will fall back apart. It’s ok you tried don’t beat yourself up about it.

You just have a new baby nephew about 2 months ago. You are in love with him. He helps with your baby fever. He is a lot like you. He is gonna be an amazing kid. Also, Your sister is going to be ok so you can stop worrying so much about her. She is going to find a good partner. Mom would have loved him.

You are kinda-sorta just started seeing the cool guy you had a crush on in High school. It’s gonna be a random thing that happens. Do yourself a favor and don’t. Literally, all he is gonna do is break your heart, clean out your bank account and leave you with the dog he swore he’d never give up. Seriously just ask if you can have his dog and move on. She will be the real love of your life. No one will love you as much as she will.

You are gonna get an update from that one person who made you feel all warm inside. Just their present near you made you happy. They brightening some of your darkest days after your mom died without even knowing it. They are coming back and are making plans for you. So just wait, even it’s just a little while. Don’t fuck it up. It could be fireworks or wonderment. You will always wonder what if. Then they will disappear and there will be a void that you just can’t fill.  You won’t feel it all the time but it will come back every now and then. It will haunt your dreams. So be the girl that waited ok?

Honey, it’s gonna be a long hard road. You are gonna get your heart crushed and ripped from your chest. Remember you only deserve the universe. Someone who is always gonna picks you. Give you that warm fuzzy feeling and make the world ok. Never be second best.

Also, the dark times will come and you will want to die but it will pass and the warmth will return. The warmth you are creating when you fall in love with yourself. Don’t break your own heart. Do you boo. It will be ok. You got this.

I believe in you and I love you.

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