I promise I’m not dead just going through some shit. I have been mentally exhausted with what may have been the worst seasonal ramp ever at work. I’m a trainer for customer service in case I haven’t mentioned that before. It was a shit show and I didn’t have the brainpower to create anything. Well, anything that involved a computer anyways.

Besides that chaos, I have also had my kidney stone trying to kill me. Apparently, I have not passed it yet and honestly, I still haven’t to my knowledge. I was in extreme pain. Also, I peed every 10 to 15 mins. It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit down, and I wanted to die. I have still been loading up on fluids and I’m almost back to normal. I got groceries today so I can meal prep since my diet has been shit with the ramp and my lack of appetite due to the pain. Also, the bloat it causes left my body a disaster.

My mental health is shot to shit and I have been trying not to be on social media too much and failed at it. If you have been online you know the last things going around is this decade challenge. Show a  picture from the beginning and then now. I was just post it and just go about my business but I got to thinking about these 2 girls. It’s the same person but it’s not. I’m not who I was then.

When that picture was taken I just started University after community college. I had lost my mom about a year before. I didn’t have a job I was just going to school. I was literally just trying to figure it all out. I was a lost child. Literally, the only thing I was sure of was that pink was my favorite color and HIM was my favorite band. Those 2  facts are still true actually. It has literally taken me all this time to figure shit out. Honestly, I am still figuring it out. Strangely enough, I live in the same house now that I did then. The first picture was taken in my bedroom and now it’s my office. Even though there were 7 years I didn’t live in this house it was always home.

Now I’m not saying they are completely different, both of these girls still get lost in thought due to the short attention span, We both still love to dye our blonde hair random colors. I’m better at dying it every time I do it. We love makeup. I super better at it. Contouring has literally changed my whole world. We both love so intensely and feel things differently. Which is something I have struggled with and have only recently realized it’s just part of my inner power. It’s ok to feel things you just got to know how to talk to them and process them. Really just let the universe speak to you, It’s got your back. I wish I could tell that girl stuff, like don’t beat yourself about dumb shit, or go ask that pretty boy out. I would tell her to be more cautious and not rush things. Things will happen how they are supposed to. there is no certain time you have to do things. Just let me be and focus on you. Be happy, you deserve that much.

Here is to the next decade.

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